My Self Love Journey Acknowledged by a Coyote
A coyote doesn’t try to be anything other than what it was born to be — and in that lies its power.
It took me seven years living in San Diego to finally witness a local coyote wandering about it’s night. I was with my friend Danny, and together we shared this beautiful experience of quietly observing this lone coyote in all of its glory as it stealthily walked the quiet pavement across the way. Balanced and adaptable. Cautious and present. Flawed and glorious. A coyote just being a coyote.
It disappeared into the mountainside and went about its night, as Danny and I went about ours with our usual captivating and tangent-prone discussions. Not a moment too soon, a silent tap on the shoulder interrupted me, followed by a subtle motion out the window to yet again be graced by the presence of the majestic coyote.
Not shockingly, the first thing that pops into my mind is: we must Google the spiritual meaning of a coyote. So, naturally I do. And damn, what followed was an eye-opening, mind-blowing, exactly-what-I-need-to-hear type of message. And, in true jokester and playful coyote fashion, we were overcome with uncontrollable laughter and awe as we read aloud a blog post from a woman named Imelda Green. Although there are several beautiful distinct messages that were gratefully communicated to us last night, one resonates with the story I shared at the beginning of this post:
“The meaning of the coyote is one that inspires change. If you do the same things over and over, you will pretty much get the same results, and that’s truly no way to live your life! A whole world of choices and opportunities will open for you if you start letting go of your old fears and insecurities.”
I lived through five sufferable years of on-and-off bulimia nervosa, along with chronic depression, pervasive anxiety, immense self-doubt, little to no self-respect nor self-love, and very low self-esteem. These six years are not ones I look back fondly on, but I am incredibly proud of myself for clinging to the walls of the deep and dark hole I was in and climbing my way out, one day at a time. During this time, my mental health was at an all time low. And what kept it that way was this habit to pick apart my body each and every time I saw it in a mirror, accentuating all the parts of me I thought “weren’t good enough.” Did this make me feel good? Not one bit.
I took the first step to bettering my life when I looked in the mirror and decided my choices simply weren’t making me feel good. I was not reaching for my potential nor embracing my individual specialties. Something needed to change.
Changing to kind, uplifting, and beautiful thoughts about myself, the world, and others around me was the second step. This compassion brightly unleashed the light from within me that was neglected and shoved down for so long.
And lastly, letting go of old fears and insecurities was the third step. This step may be a lifelong journey, but I deduce that it truly does open the door to a whole new shimmering and beautiful world of choices and opportunities that embody joy, peace, and love.
These three steps are what fueled my journey to self love, and even though I need to commit every damn day to loving myself, I now fully believe in my lovability, and man it feels good!
A coyote doesn’t try to be anything other than what it was born to be — and in that lies its power. Take action to change the things that are not making you feel good and show the world your most pure, beautiful and powerful self.
P.S. You better believe every time I walk passed a mirror, I take a nice and solid look at myself and say, “damn, hey beautiful.” And I encourage you to do the same, even if you don’t believe it at first.
If you or a loved one is suffering from an eating disorder, contact the Helpline for support, resources, and treatment options. Please also feel free to email me at megandoeswriting@gmail.com if you would like a friend or sounding board during these hard times.
